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cabingal3
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# Posted: 28 May 2012 05:10pm
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How is it going with the daughter? ours is not doing too good.i hope u hear something better from u.hugs cabi
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ErinsMom
Member
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# Posted: 29 May 2012 06:45pm
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Cabi,
No things are no better. I don't know where she is day to day. She shows up on occasion at my work looking for a handout. I would like to find her a cheap, safe apartment so I would know she had a place to sleep. I expect to hear anyday that she has been arrested on a warrant from December when she stole my credit card and a box of checks from the mail; forged my name to the tune of about $2000.00. All my cabin savings are gone.
But, I just take it day by day. Trust in the Lord that this will soon end.
Thank you for asking.
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naturelover66
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# Posted: 29 May 2012 07:38pm
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Sorry Erins mom........ I wish she was doing better.
Lisa
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cabingal3
Member
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# Posted: 30 May 2012 01:09am
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Dearest ErinsMom.i hear u gal.I kicked mine out in jan.when she got her 4000$ tax refund.u would think a person would use it carefully and get an apt for cheap.i had been driving her all over looking for a good place to put her money into.to get her out of our place.anyway.gone in no time.so as u know ....she dumped her kids off here Feb.she hardly ever comes around.she got really skinny and broken out face.u know meth.her boyfriend called me and said she was doing meth.i said well u are skinny as a rail too.are u doing it too?no answer.shes been stealing in everystore.like shes gone off the deep end.today her boyfriend called and said she was sorry and wanted to come home and do better.hmm?mine has a court date coming up.will be interesting.mothers day she was arrested n i got a call at midnite to go and clean out the motel she had been in.my mom never would have done all we have done.my father would have truly kicked my butt from one end to the other.just what do u do??i am so sorry about your cabin savings.all our money goes to feeding and tending the little boys.i sure understand.hugs and love to u.cabi
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ErinsMom
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# Posted: 30 May 2012 07:20pm
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got home to find a business card from the dept of teasury. something about wire transfers to drug dealer in detroit. will this never end. all this after a text today thanking me for loving her. 23rd birthday coming up June 2nd.
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sparky1
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# Posted: 30 May 2012 08:16pm
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so very sorry-I wish you the very best-.
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mrmiji
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# Posted: 30 May 2012 09:35pm
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Love people as much as they'll let you.
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cabingal3
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# Posted: 30 May 2012 10:50pm
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Quoting: ErinsMom got home to find a business card from the dept of teasury. something about wire transfers to drug dealer in detroit. will this never end. all this after a text today thanking me for loving her. 23rd birthday coming up June 2nd.
i totally know gal.thats mine too.she is almost 32 and we are always going thru something with her.tonite she came over to get her clothes.last friday she moved back in.i asked her if the boys could spend the nite with her here in our home.she started screaming at me.i was like ok.anyway.how it works is...if she is here-the kids arent.and if they are here-she isnt.
tonite i am very angry at her.she does not even know or have any clue i might have other things in life to do besides raise her kids.i have raised my moms kids,mine and now hers.tonite.i had to seriously talk to myself.dont be angry,dont be livid.and i am finally working my way out of it.i wish u luck and hoping its not as bad as it sounds for u dear ErinsMom.
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wakeslayer
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# Posted: 31 May 2012 03:42pm
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Wow ladies. I have to say your compassion and ability to continue to help is incredible. Especially, to be raising the children for them.
I just do not think I would have it in me.
I wish you both the best.
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cabingal3
Member
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# Posted: 31 May 2012 05:46pm
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Thanks wakeslayer.well we are to have relief soon i think.school will be out and the little grandsons are going to their dads for some of the summer.thank u.
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ErinsMom
Member
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# Posted: 2 Jul 2012 08:15pm
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Cabingal,
The latest in the drama that is my life: erin came home two weeks ago for supper and stayed two weeks, sleeping and eating but not lifting a hand in the house. She then got spare keys to husband's car and stole ipad. I kicked her with instructions not to call, come by or contact me in any way. Today, leaving grocery, I found her in nearby parking lot with police checking her out. She was arrested. Now wants us to post bail. Not happening.
As for the cabin, not started but someone vandalized my pasture field taking wire cutters to my barbed wire fence.
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trollbridge
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# Posted: 2 Jul 2012 09:24pm
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Seriously Erinsmom???? Seems everything is working against you doesn't it? Good for you though on putting your foot down with your daughter...tough as it is to do....stick to your guns!!! Good things come to those who wait.
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cabingal3
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# Posted: 3 Jul 2012 12:17am
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ErinsMom.yeah.my daughter.man i tell u.we should write a book.
i gave her another chance to come home...i told her no drama,no cops and no meth.she started an rant on how meth is not what i think it is.i said i dont think anything about meth.anyway.she was a nice weight.really pretty girl.then in no time she looked like the grim reaper with long hair.
so skinny.she came home.we went to bed at 8.i did not know everyone was in our house once we closed our door.soo.after the most bizzare behavior...things like her trying to deck me...it was enough.
she had a warrant and i turned her in.so she is sitting in the county jail.NOW she wants to come home.nope.she would have her druggy bf in here in no time.we are letting her sit it out.dry out.get help there is she can.
its just so hard.like i t hink of her as a little girl.a day bed so pretty and heart wall paper and our little girl.well,those days are over.i am hoping she gets straight and does better.takes her little boys.i feel mostly for them.i am so sorry about your pasture.what the heck??
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Sustainusfarm
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# Posted: 3 Jul 2012 09:32am
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Gosh I don't know what to say....but if I could help I would!
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cabingal3
Member
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# Posted: 3 Jul 2012 12:00pm
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Quoting: Sustainusfarm Gosh I don't know what to say....but if I could help I would!
its ok.we are handling it the best we both can.ErinsMom and me.i think we are doing right.letting the grown up children stew in their own juices.so to speak.
just sharing stories.
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rayyy
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# Posted: 3 Jul 2012 04:13pm
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Ohhh,I feel so bad for these kid's these days
It just break's mah heart to hear this.We didn't have to deal with this nasty stuff when we were kids.You just want to help them as best you can and hope they can come to their senses and break out of these addictions and start to cherish life as we do.It's so tough being a kid these days.
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cabingal3
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# Posted: 3 Jul 2012 07:04pm
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yes.little buddies.i got two big letters from my daughter today from jail.oh.a bit of a song about jesus included and then some big pages i have yet to still read and a scrap of paper that says if u come and get me out.i will stay with u one week .i have a plan and it includes my babies.i would only wish and pray this were so.the little boys are very well behaved little fella's.she also knows what i want to hear.so i have to go thru and read these big letters to hear it all.hope and pray its so.
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cabingal3
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# Posted: 3 Jul 2012 08:53pm
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Dearest ErinsMom...my daughter just got out of the clinker.she is a changed woman.loves us.her children.has plans for the future.she hugged me and told me she was so sorry for ever trying to hit me.
then...she found out she can be a flagger.go to flagger school so she can support her children and her.min.wage to start and then...after this...17$ an hour.
enough to get by when being a single mom and supporting her children.there is a God.she loves her precious children.i am so happy.i have prayed for this day.
now...just praying it lasts.just wanted u to know...sometimes we have to let them go.hugs cabi3
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ErinsMom
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# Posted: 10 Jul 2012 08:04pm
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Well, spent day at courthouse waiting for Erin to appear before judge (probation violations and drug paraphernalia. No mention of the charges I filed in January when credit card and checks stolen. I brought this to the court's attention. So, a day's pay lost and return to court next week. She was not a happy camper.
Then, I yelled at my sister on the phone. She doesn't have a clue but tries to tell me what I need to do.
Enough venting. Cabingal,stay strong. Forum members, thanks for allowing we two poor moms to support each other here.
God bless.
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trollbridge
Member
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# Posted: 10 Jul 2012 09:57pm
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Sorry it was such a crummy day for you 
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Borrego
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# Posted: 10 Jul 2012 10:56pm
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You guys know you're both totally co-dependent right? And I've been through this too.... but you need to kick those girls out and slam the door.....
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OwenChristensen
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# Posted: 10 Jul 2012 11:04pm
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Cabingal3, I'm glad you're finding peace. My oldest two daughters were pure he11, I put the run on them. They're back as very good parents and very close to us. I couldn't be more proud. Hold your standards and they wiil absorb the lesson.
Owen
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cabingal3
Member
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# Posted: 11 Jul 2012 05:15am
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Quoting: OwenChristensen Cabingal3, I'm glad you're finding peace. My oldest two daughters were pure he11, I put the run on them. They're back as very good parents and very close to us. I couldn't be more proud. Hold your standards and they wiil absorb the lesson.
OWEN-THIS IS SO WONDERFUL TO HEAR..these gals are something else.i tell u.But she is back being a good mother.i dont know about peace.lol.her and her boyfriend are here with the kids.both recovering druggys.if they do right-we will help them.i was having so much trouble here when she was living here.well she was on drugs.it ws tuff going i tell u.
we are letting them be here for one month to get monies saved.the boyfriend gave us his bank card to hold so they know we know-they are serious about saving and gettting out.
lets pray they do.hee hee.
there is hope.there is always hope.
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cabingal3
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# Posted: 11 Jul 2012 05:22am
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Quoting: ErinsMom Well, spent day at courthouse waiting for Erin to appear before judge (probation violations and drug paraphernalia.
i know gal.my daughter has her day coming too.on stealing charges.
i wish u the best.what is to happen is for the best.
here its a revolving door.she called me after i heard she ran from the cops.she did not now i knew all of this.she ran and cops were looking all over this town for her.well she called me one morning.and crying for me to come and get her.i just called the cops.man.she was in the clinker for a couple of weeks.ErinsMom-honestly it was the best time we have had in years.all was calm.daughter was having food and shelter and discipline...now we have to listen to her glory jail stories.oh my word! snicker.its tuff to hear.oh they all stayed up all nite singing.and about her bitc_es and oh man.crazy ghetto things.well we are quiet.she loved jail after all.loved the food.but she was sure sending me letters at the time to come and get her out.lol
Quoting: ErinsMom Then, I yelled at my sister on the phone. She doesn't have a clue but tries to tell me what I need to do.
oh gal i hear u.this is my sister.shes never had a child.ha ha ha.shes filthy rich too.never got her hands dirty with messy stuff in her life.miss princess tells me what to do and gets mad at me when i dont.i hear ya gf.
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cabingal3
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# Posted: 11 Jul 2012 05:28am - Edited by: cabingal3
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Quoting: Borrego You guys know you're both totally co-dependent right? And I've been through this too.... but you need to kick those girls out and slam the door.....
been there done that.
yep!
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cabingal3
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# Posted: 11 Jul 2012 06:08am - Edited by: cabingal3
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Quoting: Borrego You guys know you're both totally co-dependent right?
a catch phrase of this day and age and a good one.
rightly so.
but why do u have a family and children if when they are going thru a rough spot and u can not help them.
i am trying to work my way thru this all and i know ErinsMom is too.
i ask myself about this phrase all the time.can i honestly tear myself from my grandsons and not care about where they are,if they are suffering,hungry,hurt and cold.
then i ask my self.can i honestly let my daughter die from doing drugs cause she feels no hope?i tried.i tried to do this.
in the end.even if we have to hear her sorrid jail stories.in the end i turned her into the cops.i did not hide her from them.i never would.i called the cops and they came and body slammed her against the police car.they hauled her in.ErinsMom is doing right.its so hard.she is leading the correct standard for her daughter to follow.
as i did.as gar has done.
if they decided to come back home-they need to be nice.they need to pick up there crap on the floor,they need to tend to their business.just cause they have an emergency.it does not make it mine.
the other day my daughter went up to get smokes.called me.i missed her call.not really.hee hee.she left a message on the answering machine.she said mom.this lady wont let me buy cigarettes.in her mind i guess.i was suppose to get up and run up there and get those smokes for her.not doing it.i quit cause i could not afford it.i dont give her smokes.she smokes.she gets them on her own.so in the end.she had to come home and wait for her boyfriend to wake up and get them with her.oh well.not my problem.
i ask myself.do i want all this crap?nope.i dont need it.but we will give her another chance...if she does not step out of line.if she gets a job and hurries up about it.and gets the heck out of here.
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Gary O
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# Posted: 11 Jul 2012 08:58am
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Well stated, my lady.
And Bruce, you are right on. (Nice place you got there, BTW. Been awhile since I've seen it, cheers)
Where was I......
ah
I sincerely believe that cabi and I have blocked out a lengthy span of time where we permitted a pack of wolves to raise our daughter.
In light conversation, her verb of choice is the ef word.
Actually, the same goes for adjectives, adverbs and nouns.
If she were given a minor lobotomy, eradicating the 'ef word from her mind, she'd be struck dumb.....hmmmm, I wonder.......
Yeah, enabler, co-dependant, accomplice, aiding and abetting a situation that you abhor more than a gaggle of festering boils on yer backside. It's a trap one can easily fall into.
As a matter of fact, Job would say something like, 'Gary, cabi, man I don't think I could withstand that.'
For me it's a melting pot mix of love/hate/hope and despair.
Cabi and I bolster each other as much as we can.
'Did you lock the front door?'
'Yes, did you check the south tower? Are the machine guns loaded?'
'Yes, how 'bout o'er the ramparts?'
'They're good......uh, by the way, what's a rampart?'
'It's that bulwark over there by the parapet.'
'Ah, yes, bulwark..........and a parapet is................?'
But we are in no way prepared for her salvo of the grand kids.
This game is not played fair. Not played fair at all.
I hate bein' around people who's mind is so screwed up with drugs they think you're yelling at them when you're just talking....
'Have you seen the margarine?'
'WHAT! WHAT! You think I stole your %$#*&!% butter?!
G&^%#, I hate all yer s***, accusing me all the f***ing time!'
'So, you haven't seen the margarine?'
She's off it now....and outta jail.
So, we're back to normal arguments.
Now, it's
'Have you seen the margarine?'
'That stuff will clog yer arteries, Dad.'
'But, have you seen it?'
'I don't eat that s***.'
'Good, I'm so very glad for you, do you happen to know where that s*** is? My toast is getting rather frigid.'
'You don't need it, it's going to kill you.'
'Yes. It is....and soon I hope.'
'Do you have 5 dollars?'
'Wy, yes. Yes I do. Thanks for asking.'
'Da-a-a-a-d, do you always have to be snide and sarcastic?'
'Not always. It's just that you seem to bring out the best in me.'
'I'm glad I'm not all bitter and antagonistic like you.'
'No, you're just a carrier.'
'I can only be around you for five minutes.'
'Perhaps your watch has stopped.'
'I don't use watches.' (puff puff, flick flick)
'Nor ash trays. Maybe you could sidle over to that 55 gallon burn barrel and try yer aim at it, my fire insurance is high enough.'
'I'm so outta here.'
'Have a nice day, bye bye now.'
She'll be back.
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Scott_T
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# Posted: 11 Jul 2012 09:42am
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Wow...how do things go so off track with some kids? All I can say is lucky for me after 16 years of parenting - so far so good.
Best wishes to you folks with children going through "rough patches".
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trollbridge
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# Posted: 11 Jul 2012 10:54am
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Gary O,
Your "conversation" is humorous and any parent of at least a teen can relate to the "drug free" version of that conversation because young adults are always so " bothered" by us lame parents!
Getting past the humor though, it really is not a funny situation to have to put up with and you can't abandon those boys. I hope your daughter can stay drug free and get her life back together but in the meantime do all you can to keep yourself and cabi sane!
Thumbs up to the two of you! Keep on keeping on...I admire your stamina in dealing with your daughter
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cabingal3
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# Posted: 11 Jul 2012 02:26pm
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The reason i hung out our dirty laundry is to let ErinsMom know she is not alone.
I sure do agree with Borrego and his statement.i have gone to counseling.some say -SOOO.U ARE STILL BEING A CAREGIVER FOR YOUR DAUGHTER.ha ha ha.a daughter that should long ago been out of the nest.Then the next one says-Hang in there mom.lol.
All i can let ErinsMom know is...hope.there is hope and i know she has it.
we want to be getting on with our lives.I hated my home.At 18-i packed my bags.hitched a ride 300 miles to houston,tex.to meet gary O.i never went back to live with those people.
what does co-dependent mean??
does it mean we put our lifes on hold and spend our monies on our grown kids wringing our hands hoping and pleading ,loosing sleep and hoping and praying they are alright?probably.
thats us.
hopefully things will turn out ok soon.Borreggo.talk to me in a month when her boyfriend has left her and here she and her children are again .ha ha ha.
Scott_T-u are so blessed.thank the Lord someone somewhere has good kids.u did good.
trollbridge.thank u.i have encouragement this morning.daughters boyfriend said-i would love a big old red bull.daughter says no we cant do this.it would break the bank for us to both be drinking big red bulls.i am like omg.did i hear this come out of my daughters mouth?? whoa.there is a God.she is the one who thinks she can spend everything and theres no limit.theres always more...usually we are involved in her back up plan for more.hee hee.so she said we have enough bad habits and i about fell off my chair.hee hee.hugs cabi
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