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Montanan
Member
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# Posted: 17 Apr 2012 12:43pm
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Congrats on a great first date!! Hope things continue to go so well. Keep us posted!
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97Marlin
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# Posted: 17 Apr 2012 04:33pm
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We shall go and see Hunger Games tomorrow evening. Hopefully it won't be sold out this time around!
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trollbridge
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# Posted: 17 Apr 2012 04:52pm
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Oh yeah...that will be a good night-shouldn't be sold out I wouldn't think but then again----I don't live there and what do I know
BTW...sorry for making that population thread resurface Marlin, and I'm sorry I was kinda harsh towards you in that. Debate away if you want..I can't guarantee I'll be able to keep my mouth shut  but I do promise to be nice.
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Aqua
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# Posted: 18 Apr 2012 02:40am
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I am down on most internet dating. The problem is, some of us are shy and need to have that comfort of typing to someone, and only speaking or seeing them after establishing a connection. Or we have specific interests we want to match on, and the internet is really the only way besides getting very lucky.
I have little experience with match.com and eharmony, but feel they work for plenty of users. If someone is going to try internet dating I suggest making profiles on there, looking at matches that arise, but not trying to "search". Spend the time meeting people in person instead.
I find too many pitfalls with internet dating. Then again, there are many with meeting in person. I may not be a good person to take dating advice from.
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trollbridge
Member
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# Posted: 18 Apr 2012 08:11am
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Interesting Aqua to get your thoughts. Do you mind if I ask what age range (approximately) you are in? I would imagine internet dating would be somewhat different based on age. Do you agree?
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justincasei812
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# Posted: 18 Apr 2012 03:42pm
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I met my girlfriend on match.com over nine months ago.  I cannot say it is for everyone but I must say I got pretty lucky!! I know a few other people that have had the same success one of my friends actually even married the person he found online from another site. I believe that one was cupid.com I think everything is what you make of it and what you are comfortable with. If you prefer to meet people in person then you have to make the effort to go out and find a suitable place to do it. If taking a new age look at things more people are more comfortable in front of their computer and get to know someone a little before they meet. In todays day and age that can be a good and bad thing. The world can be dangerous no matter how you look at it. Be safe everyone and meet that special someone everyone deserves to be happy no matter who it is.
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trollbridge
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# Posted: 18 Apr 2012 04:47pm
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I think you mean OKCupid. Many people meet online now days and I think you are right that if you don't want to do online dating then you really have to get out there- which is hard to do if you work all day and have other responsibilities on top of that. It is also expensive to keep having to go out in order to be in a place where other singles are. The world is a dangerous place and ya'll do need to be careful-----do what makes you comfortable. I agree everybody deserves to be happy and I still believe it will happen when you least expect it!
Have a special evening Marlin!
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97Marlin
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# Posted: 18 Apr 2012 09:26pm
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Unless things work out with this girl, I have ZERO other options, other than the internet, and you know my experiences with the internet!
Okay, she called in sick today to work and surely is sick, so we didn't go out. She was fairly weak this morning, but strengthened throughout the day. I offered help, if she needed it, as she has no family nearby.
We shall get together over the weekend. To say I am madly in love is an understatement. But I am trying to remain cool.
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trollbridge
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# Posted: 19 Apr 2012 10:04am
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Bummer...that is unfortunate isn't it?
Keep trying to remain cool......Oh and chin up, the weekend will be here before you know it.
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97Marlin
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# Posted: 20 Apr 2012 05:36pm
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We did go out last night to see the Hunger Games. It went well, for the most part.
I've got to play hard to get. Any ideas on how to do this? I will wait for her to call me, whenever that might be.
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turkeyhunter
Member
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# Posted: 20 Apr 2012 06:20pm
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Quoting: 97Marlin I will wait for her to call me, whenever that might be.
that always works out nice....      
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trollbridge
Member
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# Posted: 23 Apr 2012 06:42pm
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I don't get it, why do you need to play mind games? You don't want to latch on like a leach but why are you waiting for her to call you?
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97Marlin
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# Posted: 24 Apr 2012 08:44pm
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She came on strongly BOTH dates; then I called her Saturday (the date was on Thursday), as we were maybe going to get together on Saturday, but she was definitely under the weather; however, she said she wanted to get together this week. She wasn't faking this at all! I called her Sunday and she didn't pick up. I didn't realise she was on e-mail exactly at that time saying she enjoyed our conversations but couldn't see this working out long term.
I don't know what went wrong. All I had heard was that I offered to mow her lawn for her and she thought this extremely wierd.
I really want to call her again! I think in 2 wks time???
Women complain all the time about how they can't find anyone, but then when you are on a date, they scrutinize you to the nth degree, and if you are not 100% perfect, they are really quick to dump you! She had already invited me to go somewhere with her in August, told her friends and mother about me, etc. Well, it was obviously a false sense of security. On both dates, she gave NO indication she wasn't having fun. She came on to me strongly, and I reciprocated.
For some reason she got cold feet????
I've got to call her back in 2 weeks and try and make this work.
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turkeyhunter
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# Posted: 24 Apr 2012 10:03pm - Edited by: turkeyhunter
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as small cabin turns.............
why would you want to cut her grass----???
i would maybe let her mow my lawn..... 
Quoting: 97Marlin For some reason she got cold feet????
if you could figure one OUT you would be worth millions....
Quoting: 97Marlin For some reason she got cold feet????
you gave her to much attention to quick....
Quoting: 97Marlin I've got to call her back in 2 weeks and try and make this work.
i would look in another direction......but hey that's me!!!!!!
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naturelover66
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# Posted: 25 Apr 2012 07:38am
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Sounds like you came on WAY too strong....
Turkeyhunter is right...... Leave her alone unless she calls you.
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wakeslayer
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# Posted: 25 Apr 2012 10:32am - Edited by: wakeslayer
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The mind boggles...
I have been biting my tongue on this one for a while.
You really need to simply relax and let things take their course. With anyone you meet...
Calm, cool, and collected is the way to be. I feel you don't even approach any of these characteristics, and wear that loud and proud.
My brother used to fall hard for the first girl that made eye contact with him. Two of them moved in within a week, with kids.... One cost him upwards of $25k, the second really put it to him and nicked him for more like $45k-50k. Not that they picked his pocket, he willingly financed anything and everything just to keep them around. That is a consequence of finding someone who isn't willing to say "this is not going to work long term". Set him back probably 10-12 years.
I feel that offering to "care" for someone you just met whom caught a cold, is definitely weird. Offering to mow their lawn? Why? I am sure you have your own to mow.
I can understand your plight, but if it is meant to be, it will be. (I give my wife credit for living by that credo). You cannot make love happen. It is impossible.
My wife and I were high school sweethearts, and have been married going on 23 years this summer. I consider myself the luckiest man in the world, and for some nutty ass reason, Barbara considers herself lucky like that too.
If it were easy, everyone would have that. But it isn't.
Just let it happen, dude.
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trollbridge
Member
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# Posted: 25 Apr 2012 10:42am
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That is good advice Marlin...take it to heart and it will improve your future relationships.
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Montanan
Member
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# Posted: 25 Apr 2012 05:17pm
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Agreed- wakeslayer has good advice. Hang in there.
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97Marlin
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# Posted: 25 Apr 2012 08:57pm
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Past relationships--I always felt I needed to do a lot to try and keep someone around, and when I was no longer needed, the relationship would end.
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naturelover66
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# Posted: 25 Apr 2012 09:38pm
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Ok, this is 2012 no self confident educated professional woman needs a man to do things for her! If you meet someone nice just enjoy their company and be their companion. I would never allow anyone to take advantage of me. have a positive attitude and you will meet someone you deserve.
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trollbridge
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# Posted: 26 Apr 2012 03:22pm
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Marlin don't set yourself up to be used that way- like naturelover said just enjoy their company and companionship. And please do stay positive-it may have been a harsh lesson to learn but you can now keep it in mind and I'm sure you will meet that special someone soon
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97Marlin
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# Posted: 26 Apr 2012 04:11pm
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I heard that offering to mow the lawn made it seem I was desperate to make this work in any way I could. I didn't think that this seemed desperate, but it came across as such. The reality is that I AM desperate to make it work any way that I can. Do you really think I want to be alone 100% of the time, other than when I am at work? She hadn't been in a relationship in 7 yrs so I will cal her in about 10 days and see what happens.
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trollbridge
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# Posted: 26 Apr 2012 05:37pm
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Quoting: 97Marlin Do you really think I want to be alone 100% of the time, other than when I am at work?
Do you have friends or family close by that you can spend time with when you are not at work? What happened with Angela? I thought she wanted to be friends. You should consider joining some sort of classes or doing volunteer work to maybe stay busy and meet people. Also what about some sort of league-perhaps bowling,softball,volleyball or beanbag/horseshoe? Church groups? You live in a big city, there must be a singles club you could consider joining. Just making a bunch of new friends (male and female) would be fun for you and keep you busy!
So why do you think mowing her lawn would help make the relationship work? Coming on too strong in the beginning is a HUGE no no. It scares women because they don't want to find themselves unknowingly involved with some sort of creepy stalker who turns out to be psycho. It does happen so you can't discount that fear! If a red flag goes up most women will end it right there. If you call her you should explain that you didn't mean to come on so strong and desperate but don't be surprised if it doesn't make a difference.
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 26 Apr 2012 07:23pm
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97marlin why are you so desparate to make it work with this girl on such an immediate basis? I don't see why you need to rush it or why you put so much pressure on yourself. Take it easy...if it does ever pan out for you with this girl you will be mowing her lawn regularly.
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97Marlin
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# Posted: 26 Apr 2012 07:52pm
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I am 41 years old. The sum total of my time in a relationship with someone else does not even come close to two years. The difference between my age and less than two years = complete and utter desolation and loneliness! I thought that mowing her lawn was a nice gesture, but it scared her away. I think, instead of calling her, I wil send a short e-mail, in a week and a half, telling her how I value her friendship. We'll see what happens.
I live in a smaller town in eastern Pennsylvania. I don't know of any singles groups, and those that would be interested in me are limited, as my belief in a supreme being is debatable and I do not want to have kids, nor do I really want anyone with kids. The girl referenced above has no kids, doesn't want any, and also is not particularly religious.
I hope I didn't strike another raw nerve! Believe me, I want there to be a supreme being more than anyone (and thought about becoming a minister once in my early teens), but I find this to be unlikely. However, it limits those interested in me and has led to my isolated state. The church, I must admit, provides one with an excellent social base, if so inclined!
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PA_Bound
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# Posted: 26 Apr 2012 08:08pm
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Don't discount church. A lot of good people in a healthy church.
Since you brought it up, and as it was the topic of the original post, I will add that I met my now-wife at church. I was 19, she was 17. We dated for 7 years while she completed high school and college, and have been happily married for the past 23 since then- with no end in sight.
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97Marlin
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# Posted: 26 Apr 2012 08:24pm
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Yes, there are a lot of GOOD people in a healthy church.
I went to church until my early 20's. Never met anyone in the church, and never felt particularly moved by religion. I wish I could say that I was, but I can't.
So many good people have met each other in the church. I wasn't so fortunate!
This girl likes the fact I own 20+ acres of timberland and wanted to hike on it, and she still dumped me!
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 26 Apr 2012 08:25pm
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Not sure it was the lawn mowing gesture that scared her away? Maybe nothing has scared her and you're over thinking this too much?
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Aqua
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# Posted: 27 Apr 2012 04:47pm
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I think you should wait more than 10 days. I wouldn't call for a "date" either, but just to talk.
IMO it came down to the "too nice" again, and most women don't find it attractive. Why would they date someone who acts like their hired help, son, or brother. I have a friend who said women would wonder if he was too nice and test him. He would do the nice thing and get dumped.
I don't think you need someone who appreciates land now. You can help them learn to appreciate it, if you had good chemistry and other things in common. I am not religious and would rather have someone not religious but I have dated religious people. With most of them it is fine. Maybe you could find someone who had kids young so they are out of the house, or almost.
Someone in your position usually needs dating practice too. That is what they do on TV anyway! So the person can be told what seems desperate. As well as relationship practice for after the 2nd date. You are used to being taken advantage of and need to stop the pattern.
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97Marlin
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# Posted: 27 Apr 2012 05:43pm
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I think I shall send an e-mail 1 week from today (12 days...) with the header "I value your friendship" and then simply state that I value her friendship and I would love to hear from her. No more, no less.
BTW, I seriously doubt there is anyone else in her life right now, so I don't know why she would try and sabotage this!
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