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hattie
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# Posted: 29 May 2011 12:00am
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Quoting: Vince P As an aside, do kids still work fast food jobs these days, or do they find it too degrading? :P
They sure do....That's where my daughter met her husband...Working at A & W (or "the Dub" as they call it) *S*
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El Wood
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# Posted: 1 Jun 2011 10:41am
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There is a book called Unhooked Generation by Jillian Straus. It's few years old now but still very relevant - explores why so many of the 25-40 old somethings are still single. Provides quite an interesting insight into all the things we do that are counter productive with the ultimate goal of a satisfying long term relationship.
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97Marlin
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# Posted: 2 Jun 2011 06:22am
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El Wood--
Thank you for mentioning this book. I wouldn't really ever read a book like this, but I explored what the basic premise is on amazon.com. The author argues that people now have so many choices that they can have a short term relationship with someone else and if there is any flaw--no matter how minor--they can just find someone else. In my experience, this is true when it comes to whomever I am with, but not for me. I mean, young ladies seem to have so many choices these days that they can do this--it feels like there is a 10:1 ratio of men to women out there in the 30-40 age range! So, someone might be my significant other until someone better comes along. And, I'm sure I have flaws--we all do! I was engaged once years (and it was actually a GOOD thing that that fell apart!) and all I heard the whole time was 'How do I know you are the right person' or 'Why should I be engaged to you as <insert male name here> still likes me' or 'I could easily go into a bar and pick up anyone I want there. You go ahead and try doing that!'. That's one I don't regret having fall apart, but this latest one really caught me by surprise, especially since I had just written her a check to help her out with expenses and the last thing I had done the last time I was with her was to buy her something she wanted and didn't have the money for. It was not a ton of money, but it sort of hurts when you do this and get dumped a few days later.
I have started to try the internet dating thing. I didn't think I would ever do this, but I have limited options now. It, too, is rather daunting--seems to be a 3:1 ratio in favour of the young ladies! This really highlights the minor flaw thing--if you are not 100% perfect, don't make 6 or 7 figures annually, don't drive a Porsche, you can get rejected really quickly. However, one person on this site did call me and, if anything, it's some one to talk to, at the very least!
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Borrego
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# Posted: 2 Jun 2011 12:13pm
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97marlin, listen to all the good people - when it's right she will come...but ya gotta put yourself out there. And is your handle about a rifle or a fish :-)
Well, I had been recently divorced and dating with no success at all, plenty of women, but no one 'rang my bell'. One day one of my best friends said to come over to a party. His wife's sister had been divorced recently as well. So being the resident margarita maker at the time, I shows up with my blender and cowboy boots on ready for a party! It was quite the party, but more importantly, it was love at first sight (yes it really does happen!) and we are goin strong almost 20 years later. Not that there haven't been ups and downs, part of life, but we wouldn't change a thing. She's a cowgirl, and loves nature, camping etc... which made our quest for a place in the desert a shared plan, then building it this year even moreso..... can't wait for the rest of the story to unfold :-)
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Scott_T
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# Posted: 2 Jun 2011 12:39pm
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Quoting: 97Marlin have limited options now
If you live in a good sized city consider trying salsa dancing. Many clubs have beginner lessons and this is a great way to meet new friends. My wife dragged me out to the Latin clubs five years ago for some fun and we loved it--and got pretty good at it too! But the point is we met many people like yourself that got hooked on the dancing, the friendship and fun times. As I reflect, most if not all, of the singles we met back then are now "paired up". Good luck.
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naturelover66
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# Posted: 2 Jun 2011 07:05pm
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I would suggest taking Dressage lessons, or just plain horseback riding lessons........ Us girls........ we love horses. And many times, we love men who love horses........ Just a thought.
Lisa
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97Marlin
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# Posted: 2 Jun 2011 08:23pm
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I am an experienced rider and used to ride English and jump 3 feet. I haven't done that in years, but it was a lot of fun! I intend to get a horse again someday, once I sell my suburban home and end up in the country.
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Gary O
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# Posted: 2 Jun 2011 09:49pm - Edited by: Gary O
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Quoting: 97Marlin --it feels like there is a 10:1 ratio of men to women out there in the 30-40 age range!
So-o-o-o-o, in review, if yer a, margarita mixin', salsa dancin', horse ridin', animal doctorin', good kissin frog, the odds swing back in your favor....
Seriously, As nicalisa "Enjoy your life, that is contagious"
If you just learn to do this, and not just fake it, it'll all come together, and no matter what, you'll enjoy 'the rest of the story'
........."And is your handle about a rifle or a fish :-)"
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97Marlin
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# Posted: 3 Jun 2011 03:45pm
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Nope...no rifle or fish!
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97Marlin
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# Posted: 20 Jun 2011 10:26pm
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Hello,
Okay, so I did get on a dating site--and, no rifle or fish pictures posted on my site. At first, there was not too much interest in me or my profile--well, people can be very judgmental, I guess. I had e-mailed a girl back and forth and then she seemed to drop off the face of the earth (as did several others). But she called me today and said she was very busy with work, and we talked for quite some time. She liked the fact that I own 26 acres of timbreland.
The odds are definitely in favour of the young ladies, but she said intelligence and lots of education appeal to her (I went to school more years than I ever thought was possible and, if I had to do it over again, I would not ever do that again!); so, depending on things and happenings, I am supposed to meet her this Sunday or the following Sunday. So, maybe things are a little better!
Thanks for the advice. All of you on this forum are like family to me!
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Gary O
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# Posted: 20 Jun 2011 10:59pm
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Quoting: 97Marlin I am supposed to meet her this Sunday or the following Sunday. So, maybe things are a little better!
Alright!
Savor the anticipation, and enjoy the hook up.
Keep us posted, Ian.
Raisin' the glass
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cabingal3
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# Posted: 21 Jun 2011 07:30am
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Hey marlin...from what i see these days in dating.Everyone has to be dog gone near a super movie star for some dating ritual to get going.The men demand the most beautiful women with the whitest teeth and the most perfect body and movie star beautiful,and they need a nice car and the gals want to hear how much a fellow makes and what kind of car they drive...if it is not up to pretty fancy ,then its a no -go!
I wish u good luck with this new gal u are meeting on sunday.
I always think there is nothing nicer than a nice man with good manners and thoughtful .My requirements if i was out in the field would be funny,sweet and clean...
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Gary O
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# Posted: 21 Jun 2011 08:42am
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Quoting: cabingal3 My requirements if i was out in the field would be funny,sweet and clean...
Hey, I got yer funny, and I can be sweet if ya make me, an I shower reglr......so quit lookin' at that field like that..........wanna see a picture of my Jeep?
Note to self (and Ian): Keep sugar on the table for the cook.
Other note: THOUGHTFUL!....gonna be a trick though...neither of us hear or remember that well.......could just write sweet, thought filled love notes...yeah, that's it!
Dear...no-no-no...My dearest Cabi, been thinkin' funny, sweet things about you as I take my 2nd shower of the morning, etc etc etc.
BAM!
What a funny, sweet, clean guy!
Serious
Ian, if you find a lady anything like mine, it'll have been very well worth the wait.
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Jerry
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# Posted: 21 Jun 2011 10:01am
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My story - I was a county government disaster response coordinator and was to attend a meeting of officials planning a disaster drill. I was young and single, had been out too late the night before, and was late for the meeting. When I looked around the table there was only one chair open, right next to a beautiful young lady who was a nurse and a Red Cross volunteer. I talked to her during a break, and later asked the Red Cross Director for her phone number. He was reluctant to give out her private information, but because he knew me he did. I called her for a date and she accepted, but she thought it was to talk about the upcoming drill! A little confusing and uncomfortable until I put my Polish moves on her. Thirty three years and three kids later she says I've still got the moves, but I think she's just being kind.
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cabingal3
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# Posted: 21 Jun 2011 10:06am
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Jerry.thats a good story! loved reading it.thanks.cabi3
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mrcvs
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# Posted: 8 Apr 2012 08:13am
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Okay, an update.
So, I did meet this girl on the internet, but she was 200 miles away. She is a really good person, and it was a lot of fun for 4 months, but things fell apart because of the distance. I thought a job nearby to her would be imminent, but you just can't be too optimistic when it comes to employment opportunities because of this horrible economy! This is too bad becaue, in previous posts, if I didn't say it outright, most girls say I'm nice, but they just don't see any chemistry there--I hear the same thing again and again, except from this girl who was 200 miles away.
So, in December I DID meet this girl through being a veterinarian, and I liked her a LOT. She showed an interest in me, but, come to find out, she had gotten engaged in October, and broke it off three weeks later. I hate facebook, and you shan't find me there, but she had a facebook page and, unbeknownst to me, posted that she was in a relationship with me. Meanwhile, her ex-fiance sort of went ballistic, kept on e-mailing her, calling her, texting her saying he loved her, he wanted to marry her, etc. But I couldn't seem jealous. She wanted to go to NYC for her birthday and Valentine's Day, and so we did this in January. She dumped me the next day and said there just wasn't any chemistry. I felt rather used!
A week later, her cat swallows a linear foreign body and requires surgery, so she shows an interest in me again, and I was STUPID enough to fall for it! She says the cat brought us together again, and i believed it, until, once the cat was mended, she dumped me yet again and ran off with her ex-fiance and says she's going to marry him. So, I fell for her twice!!!
Moral behind this story: You have got to be careful out there, internet or othersise.
The internet remains the same--girls seem like they want to find someone and there is too much competition out there or they are not serious about this, you never hear back from them, etc.
Having said that, I met a really nice girl about a month ago, and we went out. I didn't hear from her in 3 days despite my thinking at least I had a really good time! She did finally respond, and said I was really nice but....well, you can see what's coming....she just didn't feel any "chemistry" between us. But she wanted to hang out just as friends. I said I was okay with this and on Friday I went to hang a panel ceiling for her and I really, really pushed the fact I wanted to date her. Well, not a great move, so I hope I didn't wreck a friendship.
So, I continue to try and meet the right person. Perhaps some people are meant to be single forever...I just hope it's not me!
Any ideas as to what this "chemistry" thing is? I'm totally oblivious to it all!
And to all of you out there in great relationships, especially if you both like cabins and land, you are extremely lucky!
Happy Easter to y'all.
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mrcvs
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# Posted: 8 Apr 2012 08:16am
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Apparently I created 2 screen names without realizing it. mrcvs and 97Marlin--we are one and the same. And so I am a Jekyll and Hyde!
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trollbridge
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# Posted: 8 Apr 2012 06:34pm - Edited by: trollbridge
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mrcvs.....Hi, I have to confess that when I saw you had posted above my first thought was to ask you if the fact that you are single may have something to do with your seemingly strong opinions on population control (remember that thread?). I didn't care for you in that thread.Then I decided that wouldn't be very nice and I should try harder to be a good person...especially on Easter Sunday for goodness sake!
So I want to wish you the best of luck finding that special lady you're looking for......I've heard it said that it happens when you least expect it and I do believe that to be true so maybe don't look quite so hard.
As far as the wonderful "meeting" stories the rest of you have told I thoroughly enjoyed reading them! My husband and I met 30 years ago-he was 17, I was 18. A mutual friend of ours was having a party. I walked past my husband and he grabbed me by the arm, spun me around and planted a big ol kiss on me! We fell in love. This summer we will celebrate our 29th anniversary. We've been blessed with 9 healthy children and a life that hasn't always been easy but a life that we are certainly lucky to be living.
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Mr Troll
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# Posted: 8 Apr 2012 08:09pm
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Hey mrs troll you wanted me to kiss you and most of the time I think you still do. Our life together hasn't always been too hard either. We are practically like Ward and June aren't we? I hope marlin -CVS finds someone too , don't give up you'll find her, I was just really lucky to find my " Belle" so early in life !! P.S. building our cabin together has been great , now I hope we can finish it soon so we can relax and just putter around with the artsy stuff and decorating ,Bob.
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trollbridge
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# Posted: 8 Apr 2012 08:55pm
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You think I am like June Cleaver????????????? Gads!!!!!!!!
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97Marlin
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# Posted: 9 Apr 2012 05:19am
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I don't know if being single does have anything to do with my strong beliefs in population control, but I would think it has some sort of influence. I think my views are jaded, perhaps. I think I struck a raw nerve with that post--I suppose, if anything, because kids & grandkids are very important to many of you; whereas, I suppose all I see is uncontrolled development and clogged motorways, without really putting a face or a name to all of this. I suppose being alone for most of my adult life has maybe made me get this way. Perhaps chronic loneliness has given me too much time to stew over such issues.
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Martian
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# Posted: 9 Apr 2012 07:48am - Edited by: Martian
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Having been married 6 times and in more extra-marital relationships than I can count over the last 60 something years, let me give you a little advise; QUIT LOOKING!
That's right! Just stop looking for 'the one,' and start doing what it is that you enjoy. When you meet someone doing the same thing, conversation will flow naturally.
Keep the conversation positive! Nothing is more depressing than listening to someone talk about all the things that have gone 'wrong' in life. A wet blanket is great for putting out fires; be they the flames of passion or wood. Share stories about cute puppies, or kittens, that had positive outcomes. Don't go into gory details! Play up your positives; she'll find out your negatives soon enough!
Set goals and have dreams. In my experience, women love a guy who looks forward to life and speaks of where he is going rather than where he has been. Remember, they can never be part of your past, but might like to be part of your future.
Express an interest in their life and their goals....be a good listener. Learn to use words like "interesting" when she says something you don't agree with instead of challenging her beliefs immediately. Ask leading questions....those are ones that can't be answered with a single word.
Maintain eye contact. Don't look at the women passing by and don't get overly friendly with the waitresses. Make her feel that she is the most important person in your life at this very moment.
Give heartfelt compliments. Women over 25 have a sixth sense about compliments given just to get into their pants.
Be honest, but remember, dating is like a long running job interview. Put your best foot forward; not in your mouth! Even endeavors with less than positive outcomes can be shared IF you learned from them and relate the experience as overall positive.
And last but not least, take heart in the knowledge that as you get older your value goes up in the dating world. There are a lot more single women of a certain age than there are single men......men die younger!
Good luck!
Tom
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trollbridge
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# Posted: 9 Apr 2012 09:37am - Edited by: trollbridge
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Good advice Martian!
97Marlin-As far as finding someone to share your life with I think it will get easier for you the older you get-you'll see...
As far as the population-we live out in the country but living in a big city probably does make you feel like the population is out of control. You need to get out to the country from time to time...experience the wide open spaces and the serenity of not being right on top of everybody else.
Hope you have a great day!
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97Marlin
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# Posted: 9 Apr 2012 06:12pm
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If I had it my way, I would live in the middle of nowhere, but I need a paycheck, so I have always lived in areas where everyone is on top of everyone else.
I think I was probably recently outside my residence when I posted that spiel about population growth. This time of day, everyone is rushing home from work and I live in a residential neighbourhood on a road that goes between two major routes, so everyone uses it as a shortcut, and whizzes by well over the 25 mph posted rate!!! They shouldn't even be driving through here at all, but the borough refuses to do anything about it. To me, this traffic, a byproduct of too much population growth in this area, is what probably inspired my post, either consciously or unconciously. I know recent articles in National Geographic about population 7 billion did inspire me for sure!
At 41, significant others are way too concerned with chemistry, or my lack of it. Maybe I lack that special charm...
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trollbridge
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# Posted: 9 Apr 2012 07:03pm
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Quoting: 97Marlin At 41, significant others are way too concerned with chemistry, or my lack of it. Maybe I lack that special charm...
No No No...I disagree!!!! Everybody has that "special Charm"-you just have to attract the type of woman who finds your "special charm" attractive! and sometimes it has to grow on someone....many times couples start out as friends or co workers and don't necessarily feel "the chemistry" but then over time a bond forms and that special magic happens. It is going to happen for you too.
How are you at flirting? Does it come naturally or do you have no clue? It is not a given that you are born with the ability------I know tons of people who don't have the first clue. I bet Martian could give you some pointers...he has it down. You have to be able to read a woman's vibe too....then you'll know whether you even stand a chance with them.
Now chemistry...how to explain chemistry....it is not overrated-eventually you are going to need this to really have a "hot" relationship. It is not just passion, it is hard to explain. It is like an electric feeling that overcomes you and the person you are with. Both pieces of the puzzle have to feel that powerful feeling of attraction. It is a sense that the world could carry on just fine with only the two of you in it. You'll know when there is chemistry----a funny feeling will come over you and it doesn't take much---it can hit at any given moment. Sometimes it just takes a glance or a smile or even just a few words in combination with these. It is really hard to articulate the meaning but it is like magic.
The key is it has to just happen and since you can't force it that is where the good advice to carry on with life doing the things you enjoy comes into play. Enjoy living life and women will be attracted to your warm-heartedness. That is really important because women, just like men, want to laugh and have fun and not be around a grumpy bad attitude right? Ya gotta be happy to attract women to you-remember that.
Now...I want to know...tell me, did you have a good day today???
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97Marlin
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# Posted: 9 Apr 2012 07:30pm
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Yes, I did have a good day today. The traffic outside was a bit irriatating, as usual, but I didn't get soured. The next place is going to be really cool, whenever that is and whoever I am with--e.g., lots of sky and stars at night, because I am so remotely located.
So, trollbridge, I hope you are right! The girl I hung the ceiling for (Angela) did call back, and she said I pressured her a lot about dating, when she told me there is no chemistry there. Okay, so she said she will continue to be my friend, if I don't pressure her. So, what other options do I have??? She obviously knows my feelings towards her. I think I pushed things when I was hanging that ceiling for her and she starts talking about how she would like to meet a nice guy, and she is implying it wasn't me due to the lack of chemistry. Okay, she didn't use me--I volunteered to hang that ceiling.
There is no other guy in her life right now, but she is 35 and somewhat attractive, so that could change fairly quickly and I know I would feel jealous.
Maybe she will feel chemistry develop. I just know from my past history, all but 3 relationships have lasted no longer than about 5 weeks--basically the same thing over and over again--you are a nice guy, but there is no chemistry. The 3 that lasted more than 5 weeks: (1) A girl I was engaged to a long time ago; it should have fallen flat on its face, probably well before 5 weeks, but it was prolonged due to a rapid engagement; (2) The girl above, from last summer--fell apart because of distance; (3) A girl I lived with for over a year. We got along okay, but she told me in every relationship she had ever been in, at one point she would decide she would rather just be with her dogs than someone else, and, one day I came home from work, and she and the dogs were gone.
So Angela needed vet care yesterday and I gave her a steep discount. That was my decision, so I can't say she used me.
If I had met the right person 20 years ago, I would have made it work. I wish I had...
Those of you who did, you are extremely lucky. Chronic loneliness is not fun!
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trollbridge
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# Posted: 9 Apr 2012 10:33pm - Edited by: trollbridge
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Yeah...good for you...you answered my question right. In other words you didn't complain about the traffic bothering you!!! Awesome! I mean you know by now the traffic is going to tick you off so just accept that but don't let it upset you right? Your next place will be incredible-will this be your home or your cabin? You already own the land right? Is your suburban home for sale right now?
Ok...you need to decide if you want to be Angela's friend and if you do then you need to give her space. Remember you can't make her fall for you but you can be a happy fun guy to be around! If she finds herself laughing and having a fun time when you hang out together it will benefit you way better than if she is thinking "jeez, this guy is pressuring me again to be my boyfriend". Remember your pride...you don't need to come off desperate right? Also yes friends help friends out but be careful that she doesn't take advantage of your willingness to help or at least make sure it goes both ways and that she is just as helpful towards your needs----that way you will know she truly is your friend too. And whatever you do don't limit yourself-still hang out with others and see other girls if the opportunity arises.
Don't beat yourself up over what didn't happen 20 years ago...and remember it takes 2 people to make it work so don't feel like you would have/could have made it work all on your own. You may not have been "lucky in love" yet but you will be soon!!!
Get a good night of sleep 'cause tomorrow is going to be a fantastic day for you right??!!!!! RIGHT!!!! Remember your going to stay very upbeat and positive!
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97Marlin
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# Posted: 10 Apr 2012 02:41pm
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Yes, another good day. I'm on a roll...
I put my place on the market about a week ago. Anyone want a lovely Victorian in the Poconos?
Well, Angela called me again just to see what was going on. She definitely sees me as a good friend, just not as a significant other.
I already own 26 acres of raw timberland in New England. I suppose I might end up there, but the thought of a cabin in Virginia or a small cottage in England is also appealing to me.
You are right about it taking 2 to make it work. I can't make it happen on my own!
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trollbridge
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# Posted: 10 Apr 2012 06:53pm
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Quoting: 97Marlin Yes, another good day. I'm on a roll...
Keep rolling...a positive attitude is everything!
I hope your home sells quickly...how's the market in the Poconos? So I'm unclear...will you be building a cabin or cottage for your main residence?
Since she called again it is a positive sign that she wants to hang out with you...unless she called to ask you to do something for her which I would hope not!! Just go about being friendly, take time to get to know her, don't push her for anything and when you go out go "dutch" the majority of the time----after all, you are just friends.
Even if nothing ever develops romantically between the two of you you will have made a friend and she may have single girlfriends that might be attracted to you....see how this works? The more people you get to know and the more women who see you are a fun, friendly and good guy the more they will be inclined to want to date you! Be patient and enjoy the process 
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97Marlin
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# Posted: 10 Apr 2012 07:49pm
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Yes, but I like her a LOT. *Sigh*
I am going to try to find a small farm or cabin if the place sells. The 26 acres will be for retirement, if I ever put anything up at all on it.
Real estate remains dreadful here, and perhaps everywhere! The realtor reminded me all I need is the right person to fall in love with the place. It is a unique property with a turret, but it's on a fairly busy road.
Angela is trying to sell her place, too. Too bad she doesn't see a future together. I just sort of feel like I'm not "good enough" for her.
I think I am a tough sell because I am only 5 ft 4 inches tall. I don't know what else could be the problem???
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