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sjvoss
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# Posted: 13 Aug 2014 10:50am
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How do you make sure your cabin is not a bed and breakfast for friends and family?
We purchased our cabin, a foreclosue property on a lake about a year and a half ago and have put a lot of work cleaning it up. The cabin is a little bit of a stretch for us, and still is, but I am hoping next year we will be caught up on finances. We have had numerous friends and family visit us, and enjoy having the company. The struggle I am having now, is if they just come and don't bring any food, drink etc, (or maybe just contribute a small portion) I feel like we are running a free bed and breakfast for them, which will stretch our finances even further. I have a hard time mentioning or asking them, but do we need to start asking them to bring up dinner and maybe a breakfast/lunch? Is that rude? We are already providing lodging, entertainment (internet, tv, boat, jet ski, gas for the toys, etc) and all the other typical expenses no one thinks about, utilities, household goods etc. What have you done/suggested when inviting friends and family?
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MarkG
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# Posted: 13 Aug 2014 11:24am - Edited by: MarkG
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I have been to many parties that where BYOB. When people want to come over just tell them its BYOF, or potluck. I have NO problem telling my friends or family that I'm working to payoff all my debt and land (which I am). They are always welcome to my company and my beautiful retreat, but must take care of their own needs as needed.
That's the cost of admission!
They have ALL understood that and have no problem with it at all. If they don't respect that it's on them. Not you. If you don't tell them, that however is on you and will only breed resentment.
JMHO
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CabinBuilder
Admin
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# Posted: 13 Aug 2014 02:24pm
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FYI, an older thread on the subject: Cabin Visitors
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Em Ty
Member
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# Posted: 13 Aug 2014 03:17pm
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I think you're well within your rights to make sure everyone knows that you're paying for the land, cabin, and toys, so you'd like some help with the food, BEvERages, and gas. In my opinion, when they come to visit, they should bring enough food, drinks and gas for them AND for you, but I'm an asshole, so YMMV. I agree with Mark that any issue they have with that is there problem, not yours, and you're better off not having those people visit.
I've got the same concerns. I've got a cousin who wanted to stay at my sister's place for a few days with her new husband, two teenage daughters and two friends of her daughters. My sister lives in a 1 bedroom condo that is less than 400 sq ft. I told my sister that she was nuts to even consider it and she eventually said no. The icing on the cake is that my cousin, while a very nice woman, never does anything to help out. My sister would have had to feed them, clean up after them and find a way to shoe-horn all 7 of them into the condo. It's caused some bad blood, which just kills me.
I've got some other cousins who hunt and, while some of them wouldn't cause any issues, some would likely just go use my land without my knowledge. Even the responsible ones would probably tell their friends about it, and then I'd have real issues.
I'm basically unsure whether or not to even tell any of them. I'd love to go hunting with all of my cousins, but I don't know if I can be sure that I won't have any issues, so I'm in a quandary.
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BaconCreek
Member
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# Posted: 13 Aug 2014 06:13pm
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I have told our friends and kids....."We are NOT outfitters! BYOB and BYOF. It works. If it doesn't they need to find something else to do.:-
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Fusil62
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# Posted: 13 Aug 2014 07:54pm
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The guy we bought from stops buy all the time. I always have food available for him. He is a great deal of help. We went up to put our roof on the cabin and he had put up a scaffold. He would not let us take it down and he did that later. I am more than willing to feed him.
Most others automatically bring stuff. If I have some on that is coming and they don't offer to being something, I tell them what they can bring.
Sometimes you need to remind folks it's your place.
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CaptCanuck
Member
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# Posted: 13 Aug 2014 09:40pm
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Our property is really there for a getaway for my immediate family and I.
Since we are going to stay off grid for the foreseeable future, the lack of modern conveniences (no electricity or running water) means that a lot of people wouldn't be interested in staying for more than a day...and that suits me just fine!
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leonk
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# Posted: 13 Aug 2014 09:50pm
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Unsaid things always bubble up, even if it's decades later.
I say you have two options. First - stop inviting people if you don't like what they do or don't do, second - tell them what you expect and they decide if they like it or not. As my wife says - life is short.
My house - my rules, your house - your rules.
I always bring more than my share if I am invited anywhere.
Even when I visit my brother's family I bring and buy food, that's just who I am.
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sjvoss
Member
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# Posted: 14 Aug 2014 03:05pm - Edited by: sjvoss
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Thanks for all the responses, I know I am not the only one who feels this way! You are right, it is up to us to make it known, and if we don't the problem is with us. We just need to be more up front before they come, rather than feel bad at the end of the weekend when they contributed little. We are like leonk and always bring stuff wherever we go.
We still have some decorating to do, and I am considering adding this image to a small picture frame on our sideboard - just a subtle reminder. Several of the items need to be addressed prior, but some of them are reminders to everyone - most importanly we want to relax too!
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Em Ty
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# Posted: 14 Aug 2014 04:43pm
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It looks great, but I love the wording for #9 the most. Telling them not to overpay and pointing out all that you cover gets the point across politely and leaves no valid reason for not chipping in.
I'd love to hear how everyone takes it. Just keep in mind that some people will get their nose out of joint about being asked to chip in even a little. With those people you either have to accept that and keep inviting them anyway or give them a realtor's card and tell them they'd be happier at their own cottage.
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SE Ohio
Member
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# Posted: 14 Aug 2014 07:37pm
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You might try signupgenious? You set up the list of what is needed for the weekend. Have all the folks pick something to supply for the weekend, whether it be fuel, a whole meal, or drinks/desserts, etc. Works for Boy Scout campouts. You'll be able together a commitment from guests and be able to see what is left to bring.
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Pookie129
Member
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# Posted: 14 Aug 2014 08:31pm - Edited by: Pookie129
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I am more of a direct person, if people come up and aren't helpful, complain, don't pitch in, don't pull their weight, don't contribute in some way (even playing guitar by the fire is acceptable) - we don't ask them back and if they ask to come back, we generally say we already have guest, plans or we're just honest and say that their last visit was a lot of work, expensive and unfortunately we don't get much time ourselves nor do we have that kind of money to cater to and entertain people on a regular basis.
Clearly this didn't sit well with everyone, but at least we have narrowed our guest list down considerably  ...lol..lol.
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MI drew
Member
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# Posted: 14 Aug 2014 09:20pm
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We have an outhouse and shower outside... solves a bunch of these problems. Lol
We could have a flush toilet and running water but we like rustic and all that comes or doesn't come with it.
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woodrow03
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# Posted: 17 Aug 2014 08:56pm
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Good topic.
Here's how we work it....
If you came and helped us along in the process...
Come and stay. Bring your own food and drinks...
Ask to go up when were not there and you will get the keys to the gate
Next weekend is guys weekend. About 10 of us going....
Last night asked why he had to bring a tent and another guy gets the bunk house....
Simple reply.... Have you ever been up there yet?
Well no....
Well he has and put in a few weekends of work...
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