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justincasei812
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# Posted: 5 Sep 2012 08:47am
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I guess I am going on a little rant about guests at the cabin and just wondered if anyone has had issues with company at their cabin. We had two weekends with planned company and it did not turn out good. Our first weekend was an adult weekend and with ten people (all couples) at the cabin having plenty to drink and just enjoying time up north. I was completely amazed that no one could lift a finger to pick up, clean up, or help prepare a meal. People would drink drop their cans, cups and bottles on the ground, fill up the garbage container just leave it as it was. We had one person spill orange juice on the table and onto a chair cushion, throw a towel on it and walk out the door. We would have dinner (nothing special, pizza, brats and dogs) and no one would help getting things ready or clean up. We shot skeet two days in a row and both days shot over 500 rounds and at the end people put their gun(s) away and walked to the fire pit. Not one thought of picking up shells or putting anything away for the day. I was just amazed at the whole thing. I was somewhat sick with the flu that weekend so I did not participate in a lot of things but had to walk around and clean the entire time. Saturday everyone went canoeing and I cleaned for two hours. It was time to leave on Sunday and everyone packed their stuff up and walked out the door with again no thought of cleaning up the cabin or around it for that matter.
On our second weekend (Labor Day) was kids' weekend. We had some of the same adults as the weekend before and their kids, we had five adults and nine kids up for the weekend and it was the exact same thing. The only help that I got was having my girlfriends kid (the oldest) help with getting a couple of things picked up. All the kids are old enough to pick up after themselves and you would think the adults would know how to do the same.
I like to have people up and spend time relaxing and enjoying others company but when you have to constantly pick up and clean-up after others it becomes no fun. To have people stand and watch you pick up after them and not offer to help is hard to take. I understand this is my place and never asked anyone to help hang drywall or dig a outhouse hole etc. just to pick up after themselfs and maybe help out a little for everyones sake. I guess lesson learned and either not have certain people up or maybe in smaller doses.
Kevin
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bugs
Member
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# Posted: 5 Sep 2012 10:08am
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justin
What a terrible story. With "friends" like that a person does not need too many enemies.
Not to stereotype but there is lots of talk about kids today not having respect for their peers, property and adults. They are a generation of takers and wanting things without earning them. But the adults who "beget" the kids of today were not much better. I wonder what the next generation will be like.
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cabingal3
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# Posted: 5 Sep 2012 10:23am
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oh Kevin!this sounds just so typical these days.
no one picks up after themselves.it sounds like they were on a guestful vacation at a resort and u were the clean up fella.
we just got rid of family that was here for 2 yrs and we wish they acted like guest but they just left messes all over the place.These are the very ones who want to come out to the cabin.These are the very ones who toss cigarrette butts all over our carport and the street.How could we ever trust them in wild fire country at our cabin?
i would post rules up for all to see at your cabin when guests,family and friends come...something like "we are happy to share our cabin with u all but we all want to have fun-so do your share and pick up after yourself".
My brother is sort of a roaming hobo-he is dying to come up here.and i know he has an eye on camping out at our cabin grounds.my daughter and her jobless boyfriend wanted to stay out at the cabin.
once we get another building out there.the big house-then maybe we can invite people to stay in the little cabin while we stay at our woodland house on these same property.everyone wants to come out and stay.i mean stay.
not visit.
so far we just dont have the desire for someone to take over our place.we have had people come out and see the place and leave.i like this best.lol
bugs-u have something there...
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justincasei812
Member
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# Posted: 5 Sep 2012 11:06am
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I have had issues with my girlfriend and the upbringing of her two kids. Manners, respect and ethics are far from everyday life most of the time. We actually had a discussion about this last night (again). Parents want to be either friends with their kids or don't want to be bothered with real parenting. I get myself in trouble with correcting bad behavior with the way I grew up only on a tamer level. Her kids are good kids just from a parenting stand point there is a bit to be desired. I am now seeing that as not only her but with other people around her (and I am sure everywhere). I was just really surprised at how someone could go to another persons' place a trash it sort of speak and not think anything of it. Then to not show your kids that you should respect others property shows the lack of good parenting to me. Maybe posting a saying on the wall (like you suggested Cabingal3) in a frame will get the point across without saying a thing may just help the situation. I am glad everyone had a good time but everyone also knew by the time they left I was not a happy cabiner. 
Bugs- I do wonder what things will be like in 20 years or so. It is actually very scary if you ask me.
Kevin
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Bevis
Member
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# Posted: 5 Sep 2012 12:28pm
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I saw this first hand at a friends lake cabin over the weekend. They invited several families (kids too) up, included me and my wife. Our friends walked in to the cabin several times to see either my wife or I cleaning up spills, changing bagged garbage, and would tell us not to worry about it or they would clean it instead. Hell, someone knocked a whole pitcher of tea over and left it all over the hardwood floors... (that was enough to piss me off there).
After the party ended, we stayed behind to help clean up.
Why... Because it was the right thing to do. They invited us, so we should do our part to help (but then agian that's what we always do). I didn't think it was right for us or our friends to have to pick up after everyone else. They thanked us, and invited us back anytime, even if they would not be there.
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yankeesouth
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# Posted: 5 Sep 2012 12:47pm - Edited by: yankeesouth
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Guest-Hey that's a lot of wood for us to burn and enjoy, I wonder how big a fire we can make or how much wood we can burn?
Owner-Yep it cuts and stacks itself months in advance to be seasoned enough to make a good fire. It also selects "by itself" the best hardwoods not pine to cook over.
Guests- WOW what a cool fire pit and deck for us to enjoy, spill things on and allow our kids to burn and draw on.
Owner- Yep, I worked hard on it for people to enjoy and see how much they can damage or make look bad so I have to work on it to make it look good when nobody is here.
Guests- Geeze this place was really clean when we got here, with no bugs, spoiled food, animals, and clean linens/towels, etc...-
Owner-Yep sure is..... once again it cleans itself of all the chips, spilled drinks, dirt, bugs, grass, linens, etc....
Guests-Man you have a lot of food, water, adult drinks, snacks, etc...
Owner- Sure I do, I am like that commercial where the guy made of money rides down the road. Feel free to eat, drink, and be merry on everything I have it always just replenishes itself on its own.
Guests- Holy smokes there are a lot of cool things to do and enjoy around here, did you make all this stuff?
Owner-Yep....I either made it or bought it so people can see if they can leave it outside in the rain, break it, or just plain old not take care of it. I really enjoy fixing or replacing things other people either break or ruin.
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MtnDon
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# Posted: 5 Sep 2012 12:52pm
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It was a learning experience and I trust those folks are dropped from the list of potential visitors. Be choosey, there are people with good manners out there. We expect some clean up after having company for a picnic or whatever, but we've not had issues with guests dropping trash around, etc. I would be right on somebody's ass if I saw them dropping trash on the ground. If they felt bad about it so much the better, maybe they'd learn but I doubt it.
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 5 Sep 2012 02:12pm
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I'm going to post my response as anonymous so as to not give away who I am, but this weekend was much of the same contained in the original post for us. My wife and I had a long discussion and we've just "had it"! Never again. All that work, all the money for food and beverages. We don't go to camp to wait on others like they are royalty. I guess we're cut from a different cloth, but I wouldn't imagine doing what we've had done to us on two occasions. NEVER AGAIN!
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CabinBuilder
Admin
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# Posted: 5 Sep 2012 04:57pm
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I guess it depend on customs, circumstances, expectations and relationship with your visitors.
For example, when we invite guests to our house, we don't expect them to clean afterwards - it is our job, as hosts, to take care of such things.
Likewise, when we are invited, we would expect the same in return. Although in most cases some help is offered and is appreciated.
(Of course, trashing the place is different).
On the other hand, if we go on a camping trip or a picnic with another family, it is expected to share related chores and costs.
Just my 2c.
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rayyy
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# Posted: 5 Sep 2012 05:36pm
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I hear yah folks.I once had a nice little camp site on a friends land that bordered a statelands here in new york,Most used it and respected it as a nice little get a way,camp site.I didn't mind folks using the fire wood I provided as long as they left the place as they found it but one summer, I found that someone set the whole damn wood pile on fire,bout 10 face cord,burnt it to a pile of ash and scorched the trees to death.Kicked the door off the out-house,,,Oh I was so discusted.What the heck is wrong with people.We also have a nice little spot on two ponds for all local residents to use and injoy.And sure enough,one summer ,someone had a party there and toltally trashed the place.Beer cans and bottles and lawn chairs and junk floating in the pond,I was sick.What a mess.It's so funny we perserve these places for people to enjoy and to get out into the wilderness but they have to take advantage of it and destroy it,I just don't get it?
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wakeslayer
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# Posted: 5 Sep 2012 05:57pm
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While we have not had anyone be inconsiderate as described above, we did have one girlfriend of a dear, lifelong friend of ours refuse to do the dishes because she forgot her elbow length, yellow rubber gloves. We have also had the usual teenaged BS from our kids friends. Once. Then they were fine on subsequent trips.
What we have had occur twice now, once with above mentioned dishpan hand queen, and then another pretty good friend, is the absolute lack of comprehension of what they were getting themselves in to. We have a very remote cabin. It is really a very nice little place, and there is an equally nice bunkhouse, outdoor shower, etc. Somehow they get it in their heads that we are going to a 5 star resort. They get crabby or sullen or whatever after a couple days of that lifestyle and their whole demeanor changes. Radically. Little Miss Dishpan has only been out to our farm at home once since 2009 after getting all pissy pants while at the cabin and we had them out a couple weekends a month for years prior. The other was out once in the summer and loved every minute. Then came in the winter and was grouchy from minute one. To the point that it affected our family trip, and also our friendship. We just don't understand. We make no secret about having to rough it to some degree. They have to travel 1300+ miles to get there, either by car or by plane, so we provide as much information as possible about potential pitfalls, weather, equipment problems, everything. It is just a weird side effect of remote living or vacationing that we have observed and it has drastically reduced the amount of people that we would be willing to invite. Now we are forced to do a big old character analysis everytime someone suggests they would like to visit. It is a pain in the ass for us and while we would love to share what we have worked for with everyone, very few can cut it. We have precious few days a year out there and I am not willing to have it ruined or negatively affected by peoples inability to think ahead and understand their limits.
Not the same thing you are all discussing really, but another aspect of how different we are than most.
Mike
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Malamute
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# Posted: 5 Sep 2012 08:04pm - Edited by: Malamute
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I recall seeing a sheet of paper that had basic rules and suggestions for a freinds place when I was a kid. My folks and their freinds often had fair sized shindigs involving motorcycles, horses, shooting, dogs, kids, snow sledding, beaches, etc. The list was basic common sense, what to do and not do, keeping dogs and kids under some semblance of control, cleaning up after ones self, etc. I think they did potluck type meals most often, sometimes the host person provided most of the food. If anyone got too juiced up and made a fool of themselves, or made a nuisance of themselves in some other way, they weren't invited again to any of the group activities. I believe this was pointed out in the sheet.
If it were me, I'd tell people up front to bring ammo (and what type)if they wanted to shoot, or to contribute to buying ammo.
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Sustainusfarm
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# Posted: 5 Sep 2012 08:29pm
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This is an easy fix for us...we invite couples up one at a time and make it so boring they dont want to return. We have no lake to play in and usually they go home early after the second day of sitting on the porch watching us read and drink brandy ole fashions!!!! Solitude for us by Saturday night! AHHHHHH 
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darz5150
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# Posted: 5 Sep 2012 09:02pm
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I used to have problems when people came out for a cookout or bbq, they seemed to have problems maintaining control when using the outhouse. I have a stand up urinal to minimize the proverbial over spray/dribble on the seat. And I also ask that the pee paper goes in the trash can (so it can be burned) and the other paper goes in the hole ( so I don't have to move the outhouse prematurely). I made up a flyer and hung it inside for all to see.....It says " Please help to keep this restroom clean....Always remember, the hand that has to clean up your MESS, is the same hand thats flippin your steak!!!!!!!!!!"
The message has obviously been read and I am glad to say........no problems since I hung it up!
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TheCabinCalls
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# Posted: 5 Sep 2012 09:09pm
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I hear yea!
- Make the rules of the game well known before they arrive; this isn't being unwelcoming it just sets the expectation
- Like we say we'll provide the wood, boat use, gas, etc. they can bring beverages and supply a meal
- Assign everyone a chore; your family is in charge of the upstairs bunk area. Give people ownership of something while they are there. They won't mind at all. Most people just don't want to intrude. And most have fun working on projects/duties while there.
- Assign everyone a night to prepare a meal for everyone else. They need to bring the supplies.
If people show up unprepared you can't expect them to pitch in. Prepare them mentally and tangibly with the proper expectations. It will go so much smoother!!
And if people complain about it still...revisit them as a friend or at least a potential guest. Most of the time it is as simple as outlining the expectation upfront.
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johng
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# Posted: 5 Sep 2012 09:15pm
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When I was in high school (back in the mid 70's), I was invited to to an overnight b/day party at a friends lake cottage.
The next afternoon as we were ready to leave a mess, I organized all to police the area cleaning up the trash and putting things straight.
The host mother thanked me after and asked why.
I told her that I was taught in the scouts to always leave a camp cleaner than I found it.
The fact that I was taught by my parents to respect other peoples property was not brought up.
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larry
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# Posted: 5 Sep 2012 11:15pm
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many years before we built our cabin we would have a camp out on our land. we would usualy have 20 couples and they would trash the place. fast foward to 2009 we now have our cabin and the invite list is only 3 families. i learned long ago that people that do not have a place like so many of us on this forum have they just have no respect for what it takes to keep it going.
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justincasei812
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# Posted: 6 Sep 2012 10:02am
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These people are mainly my girlfriends friends and they have been up to her ex's cabin in the past and from what I understood everything was divided amongst everyone. From coffee to t-paper and this included cleaning and sharing the meal preparation responsibility. I think we were pretty lose on what was expected due to them understanding the past arraignments. It will NOT happen again!!! I thought it was pretty funny (not at the time) that after everything was cleaned up on the outside of the cabin Monday morning one of our guests (with beer in hand) asked "is there anything I can do to help bro" which was right after I had a few loud comments about people throwing cans into the fire pit that I was picking out at the time. As they got into their vehicle and drove off we were in the middle of cleaning the inside of the cabin so we could leave, an hour later we were on the road for home.
I will have to try to come up with some common thoughts of what can be posted on the wall of the cabin to share with all guests when they arrive.
Yankeesouth I like the banter I found it to be pretty true and funny at the same time.
Kevin
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cabingal3
Member
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# Posted: 6 Sep 2012 09:19pm
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yankeesouth
u are so funny.all true but sure funny.
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TomChum
Member
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# Posted: 6 Sep 2012 10:15pm - Edited by: TomChum
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Sorry for the Bummer weekend! Sick, AND trashed! Sounds like a large group.
I would have a hard time asking guests to clean though. One way to do it is to pick up the mess as soon as it's made. For example, if someone throws a can in the fire, just take your poker and fish it out and put it in the trash. With luck, the standard is set, nothing needs to be said. This works with 'good' guests, people who value an invitation. If it doesn't work, it's a clear admission that person doesn't respect you (and in that case that person is 86'd in my book). Also it has to be done immediately. After awhile nobody's trash is their own, it's all made by someone else.
Usually there are enough polite people to pick up on your etiquette and help with the policing. If you keep a generally clean camp, then people will understand its to be kept clean. If you let it get a little trashy, then they don't pick up. Their thresholds may be different than yours. Some people think pistachio shells are 'natural', but they are like cigarette butts, they last for years, and attract more trash. Can be tough when you have the flu, I can see how it could get out of control. One things for sure, trash breeds trash, you need to nip in in the bud. Sometimes people don't pick up trash because there's no place to put it, and simply having a couple trash cans near the firepit or the range might solve that.
There are other things I get peeved about though, that are harder to explain. Like guests driving in my 'yard'. It looks like a natural forest, but in the springtime it's all purple lupine flowers, and I don't want the soil in my 'yard' compacted by their tires just for them to be able to park. And I don't like when people drive fast and dust up my road, once it's loosened up, it will be loose for months. And breaking branches off trees right next to the cabin. There are thousands of trees on the property, why tear up the ones in my 'yard'?
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sparky1
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# Posted: 7 Sep 2012 08:22am
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Wow-!!!--Thanks all; & I thought i was the only one to Experiance being taken advantage of. Friends ?? come to my place to Shoot,,etc,, i asked them to pick up shot gun shells--(WHY)?? because i said so-.I had a trash can 20 ft away-i had to bring the can closer they were trying to throw shells into the can 20 ft--.more mess.
I have since stopped letting them come here, when asked why-I replied on Face book-you want to make a mess---go to Pay Range---pay them to clean up your mess.there is NO maid service here..
do I miss some of them ;; "Yes",,but my place, "is my place".
it's a shame decency & respect has Died.
sparky1 in southern va.
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TomChum
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# Posted: 7 Sep 2012 01:44pm - Edited by: TomChum
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Quoting: sparky1 it's a shame decency & respect has Died.
Yes it is. But it started dying with our grandparents generation, and got worse with our generation. And who could be surprised that it's getting worse? Some kids are mopre polite than their parents but I bet they are in the minority.
There is only ONE way to get it back and it will take generations.
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jrbarnard
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# Posted: 7 Sep 2012 02:56pm
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I think I am with CabinBuilder on this one, as frustrating as it sounds, when you are host, you are host. That said, if they do something I do not like, I make it known, in a polite but factual manner.
When it comes to cleaning up, I simply start telling folks what they can help with, if I need help and if they are not helping. I love having folks out at my ranch, and most the time I do not mind taking care of them, but I won't allow people to trash my place.
Either way, like folks said, chalk it up as a learning experience and remember those that fit the criteria for what you think are suitable to come back, and don't invite the others.
Drop nice hints if they ask to come out..heck, I have even gone to the extent of lying to them if they ask again and saying, "I would love to have you come out again. you were one of the nicest folks because I remember you helping me keep the place clean, and we sure do try to keep it clean. Then, at least you told them in a nice manner what you expect ;)
Russ
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LakeSuperior5
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# Posted: 7 Sep 2012 04:48pm
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My husband and I enjoy entertaining family and friends, both at home and at the Shabin. We either have a good way of picking our friends and family or just lucky. 
When guests arrive who have not been with us before, we always give them a quick tour.
If they are spending the night, they are shown the sleeping area and where to put their belongings
The tour should include things like where the bathroom is, any special instructions that go with it like how to flush, where to put toilet paper etc... I show guests the kitchen or bar area, where paper towels are located, garbage etc.
We make the first beverage and guests are shown what is available and told to feel free to make the next one.
If guests are staying for a meal the food discussion and planning always takes place prior to arrival on who can bring what. I do not like guests in my kitchen so there is not a problem there with help but most the time people are not afraid to help if you ask them. I still can give specific tasks like can you help clear the table...
When it is a group event outside, I make sure we place garbage containers near gathering spaces.
I think a host can do much on setting the tone at the start of a gathering to help with how your guests will behave. You can still have guests from hell and cross them off the invite list for future gatherings.
For justincasei812 I think some gentle teaching could have been helpful. "We had one person spill orange juice on the table and onto a chair cushion, throw a towel on it and walk out the door"
Really, if my husband or I had seen that there is no way it would have gone unsaid. I would have easily called them out to come and clean it up. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. They would not have come back a second weekend with kids along unless a discussion had been made. Yikes
I am with CabinBuilder and jrbarnard on how they respond and host their guests. A little nice hint goes along way .
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cabingal3
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# Posted: 7 Sep 2012 10:21pm
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some people u have to hit over the head with a club to get them to get the hint.lol.
once u have them pegged.make sure they dont come back unless there is a full understanding of rules and manners.
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 8 Sep 2012 12:35am
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A printed list of rules BEFORE your company joins you at the cabin would be a good idea. If they don't like the rules than they can stay home. My guests know what is expected of them. I am not running a resort.
Some of my rules are as follows: BYOB we all contribute than share, bring your own towels,each couple is expected to make one dinner and to bring the ingredents for said meal;I supply breakfast and lunch,the cook never does the dishes,everyone is delegated chores and expected to keep the cabin clean.
If you don't set the rules than you won't be able to have guests at your cabin.
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justincasei812
Member
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# Posted: 8 Sep 2012 02:12pm
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Thank you all for your responses and how you handle your guests at your places. It was a learning experience for me, what to expect and how to handle people when they come up. I know personally I had been lax on the "rules" only because of what I had been told on how things were handled at a previous cabin and how everything was divided equally. If the second weekend had not been planned in advance it would have never happened. I like to entertain and would not expect everyone to "work" all weekend when they are there. I don't mind picking up or straightening things (that's just me) but when I have to ask people to move so I can continue to sweep or pick up dirty dishes off a table, etc with no response "can I help with something" it was a bit much. I am done with the rant. I needed to vent as these were friends and didn't want to go off in front them. I will adopt some rules/ guidelines and they will be placed in the cabin for all to see and a chat will be had to anyone that would like to come up and stay.
Thank you all!!!!!!
Kevin
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Anonymous
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# Posted: 9 Sep 2012 12:17am
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Having rules posted in your cabin does not work as well as giving them beforehand the reason being that some people may not agree with your way of doing things. It gives them a out. If they are already at the cabin than it is to late!
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Gypsy
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# Posted: 9 Sep 2012 10:37am
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We are having a get together during Halloween Week (we have apty named the event "Halloweek"). I have created an event for this week on Facebook, and have invited everyone in this way. On the page, I listed out EXACTLY what they can expect, and what I expect from them. I was particularly clear about garbage, and that they need to have their own garbage bag, and take what garbage they make back home with them. As I am a non smoker, I was EXTREMELY clear about smoking rules; NO throwing cigarette buts around the property, and not into the fire. Everyone coming will be camping on the property, so I was sure to let everyone know they need to bring everything they need, as I won't have enough "extras" for everyone. I also let everyone know that there would be 1 day I would be providing food for everyone; after that, it is their responsibility to bring what food they want.
I once went on a camping trip with a few other people. When they arrived, they had NO firewood, no food, nothing to drink, and didn't even know how to set up a tent. My husband and I had to feed them for the couple days we were there, it was very uncomfortable and awkward, let alone frustrating.
Because the get together I am having will be relatively large, I felt like I really had to lay it all on the line for everyone, so that I wouldn't have to have any weird conversations with people, or feel mad at anyone. And as many have mentioned, if they can't deal with the rules I've laid out, they can always just not come!
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trollbridge
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# Posted: 9 Sep 2012 02:06pm
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Kevin...sorry to hear your two weekends did not go as well as you had hoped 
This thread has been interesting and helpful too. We have not had many guest other than family so far because we are busy building but I can still relate.
I would never dream of going to someones home or cabin and not chip in with helping them out with whatever needs to get done and cleaning up after myself. One of my brothers and my sister on the other hand...it is like pulling teeth to get them to help out!!! Both my parents set very good examples and my other brother is fine so there you have a 2-2 split. Can't totally blame parenting or lack of. What makes some people just not care? I dunno!
I am always interested in hearing tips that have worked for families or friends getting together during weekends at the cabin. How chores are divided or meals planned, prepared, supplied and cleaned up afterwards. Over Labor Day weekend one of my sons and his wife brought everything for breakfast Sunday morning. It was awesome! Definitely will be one of my very first "cabin rules" I also think it is a really good idea to place a garbage can outside by the fire pit as well. One that we have been doing is bring your own beverages-too hard for me to get what everybody wants and a relief to not even have to think about it. And one of my own personal beliefs is that if you bring food or snacks you better be willing to share with everybody else-just seems selfish not to. 
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